iMade a Mistake
by iSamPuckett
Summary: I know I shouldn't be doing this. But she came onto me, and I want her so bad. Who am I hurting?" When a sober Freddie takes advantage of a drunken Sam, he figures it was just a mistake. But Sam starts to act weird...Seddie, bad summary but good story.
1. iKnow I Shouldn't Be

**A/N: Sup, peeps? Im back wit another story that isnt a one-shot! :D I hope that this one far exceeds my prior (i lik 2 believe this is a great setting for the story). This story is told sole in Freddie's POV; remember that. it's important. Hope you like!**

**Disclaimer: I loathe these. Why would anyone think i own this?**

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know how wrong it is, how immoral; yet, here I am, doing it anyway. But, in my defense, she came onto me, and I just wanted her so bad it hurt. Sam's golden curls fall in my face as I contemplate how the two of us wound up in this bed together…

_I stand in the corner of Wendy's (whose having her sixteenth birthday bash) house, looking like a total loser, drinking my water and watchi_ng_ Carly dance with Griffin to the blaring pop music in the darkened house. In the past, this would have made me burn with jealousy, but not now. Not anymore. Because I don't like Carly anymore-well, yeah, I like her, but I don't LIKE her like her, oh, you know what I mean!-Not since my first kiss. My kiss with the unruly blonde who gets her kicks from kicking me. With the golden-haired angel who helped me stop Carly from going to Briarwood (although Carly didn't really appreciate it). With the blonde-haired demon who's now staggering over to me as best she can among the crowd of people. As she gets closer to me I become aware of the smell of alcohol that's coming off her in waves. Originally, there hadn't been any alcohol at Wendy's; then Jonah and his gang crashed the party, bringing with them a whole bunch of six-packs of beer. And it all went downhill from there. Sam finally makes it over to me and stumbles against my shoulder, leaning on it heavily. _

"_Heyyyyy Freeddiieee." Sam slurs, laughing at some inside joke I'll never understand._

"_Sam, how much have you had to drink?" I ask, eyeing the beer in her hand and trying not to sound __**too **__worried. I don't want Sam to get suspicious (I've never told her I like her; she'll probably break my legs.). Although, in her current state, I don't think her becoming suspicious is much of an issue._

"_Oh, ya know…6, 7, 8. Hey, ya ever notice how your hair kinda looks like grasssss, but covered with gravy?" She laughs, reaching up with a shaking hand and rubbing my 'gravy-grass' hair all over the place._

"_8 drinks, Sam?! That's a little much even for you to handle! Now, c'mon, gimme the drink!" I say, making a grab at the can. She pulls it out of reach just as my fingers glide across its cold, wet surface._

"_No! Get'chur own!" Sam says forcefully. I look around for Carly to help me, but she's far away in the crowd, lost in a make-out session with her 'bad boy'. Pssh, some bad boy! He still collects PeeWee Babies! But Carly just had to get back with him, didn't she? Anyway, I look back to Sam and stare into her glazed blue eyes. _

"_Sam, I don't want it, I don't drink! I just don't want you to have it!" I make another grab and this time successfully get it out of Sam's grasp and toss it in the nearest trash can._

"_Hey! That wasn't very nice…" Sam said glumly, absently staring at the garbage bin and swaying. Without thinking I grab her shoulders to steady her and she turns to stare at me with her cloudy drunken eyes, a sloppy smile forming on her face. _

"_Ya know, you're real cute, Fredddddiiiieee." WHAT?! Did Sam just call me cute?! No, no, it's gotta be the alcohol. Yea, that's it. _

"_U-um, Sam, you've had a lot to drink, wadda you say we get y-" I'm cut off by Sam forcefully pressing her lips into mine. Wow. Sam's a great kisser considering she's drunk. I respond, and we make out-and I'm not talking, sweet, simple kiss, like our first. I'm talking full blown make out session, with open mouths and everything- for about a full two minutes. Sam then takes me by the hand and staggers over to a door. As we approach, I see a couple come out looking disheveled but happy. Sam pulls me into the room-a bedroom. Oh God-shuts and locks the door, then resumes making out with me. I know that I should break it off now, tell her that she doesn't want this, that she doesn't want ME. But God I want her so bad and when she pushes me onto the bed and starts undoing my pants' zipper all bets are off. "Well, she obviously wants me…at least, right now." I think as I pull her top over her head. And from there, we just took off..._

So here we are. Well, we're done now (mostly because Sam passed out a few hours ago. I've been laying here since last night thinking about what I've done). Oh God, I can't believe I just did that! Sam is going to kill me! But it felt so good, and so right, but it wasn't right. Sam at least has an excuse; she was beyond drunk. Me? I was just desperate for her body. I sigh as I get up and start putting my clothes on. When I'm dressed and heading out to get Carly to help me carry Sam home, I hear a noise from the bed, and watch Sam stir back into consciousness. She looks up at me with glazed, confused eyes.

"Freddie? What-" Sam stops mid-sentence, then leans over the side of the bed and vomits violently. Blech. Poor Wendy; she's going to have to clean that up. As Sam finishes she groans and sits back up, holding her head. "W-where am I?" She looks at her clothes in a pile on the floor. "A-and why am I naked?"

"You're at Wendy's. Don't you remember?" I ask, feeling guilty at the rising hope in my chest. If she doesn't remember what happened, she won't kill me!

"Remember? N-no, nothing." She says, shaking her head lightly. "But why am I naked? D-did I…?"

"Um, I don't know Sam." I lie, my guilt building. "I just walked in here, looking for you, and found you right there just like that." Sam groans again, and I think I see her eyes start to shine with unshed tears, but it's probably just my imagination.

"Oh man, I probably did. No, I know I did. Damn, my first time, and I can't even remember who it was with!" She says softly as she wipes her eyes. "Ugh, I feel like crap."

"Well, you did have eight drinks, Sam."

"Eight? I had eight drinks? Wow…" She says in an almost mystified way. "W-Where's Carls?"

"I don't know." I answer. At least that's honest. "Wadda say we go find her?" As I turn around to let her get dressed, I hear her get up and run across the room, then I hear her retching again. At least she made it to a bucket this time. I stand there for about 3 minutes, and then feel her leaning heavily on my shoulder again.

"Ugh, I can barely walk." Sam mutters in my ear.

"It's okay, I'll help you." I reassure her as I guide Sam and myself over to the door. When we get into the living room we're greeted by the heavy smell of alcohol, which makes Sam throw up again, and a bunch of unconscious people. I glance at the clock on the wall; 4:03 am. I look around, then turn my head best I can to look at Sam, whose head is leaning against my shoulder, moaning. "I don't think she's here." I murmur to her as I pull out my phone. 3 missed calls from Carly. Uh oh. I dial her number and she picks up on the first ring.

"FREDDIE! Thank God! Where are you?!"

"Ughh, too loud." Sam mutters from my shoulder.

"What?" Carly asks over the phone. "Freddie, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. That was just Sam, she-"

"You have Sam with you? Thank God again! Where are you two?!"

"Um, we're still at Wendy's. I, um, I fell asleep, and I just found Sam, um, on the couch." Wow, Sam's right; lying is easy.

"So you're alright, then?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Although I won't be for long; my mom's gonna kill me." I groan, thinking out loud.

"Oh yeah, you owe me big time." Carly states matter-of-factly from the other end of the line.

"Why?"

"I told your mom you were spending the night here, and then whenever she came barging in I said you were in the bathroom or in the elevator. She doesn't suspect a thing."

"Thanks Carly. Um, do you think you could get Spencer to come and pick me and Sam up? Sam's got a massive hangover and can't walk very far." Even though I can't see her, I know Carly's rolling her eyes.

"Sure, I guess."

"Oh, and tell him to bring a bucket." I say as an afterthought, then hang up and wait for Carly's older brother. After about ten minutes of listening to Sam groan and rubbing her back he pulls up in his van and I help Sam in, then I hop in myself and try to forget what I just did with-and to-her.

**A/N: Weeeellll? Was it good? (nd if it wasn't, don't worry it'll get better!) Anyways, if u add this 2 ur faves, alerts, etc, plz review. nd even if u dont add it to anything, still review! i crave ur opinion :)**


	2. iFeel Guilty

**A/N: Alright, I was reading my reviews-wow, so many already! Makes me very happy :D- and I'm getting the feel that many of you r clueless as to how this story is goin 2 go. Which im happy bout, I just don't want any1 angry wit me for making it go th way its going to go. This chapter should give some clues into that. BTW, Wendy's party was on October 10****th****. Soo, anyways here ya go!**

"Fredward Benson!"

"Alright, Mom, I'll wear it! Gah!" I yell from my bedroom door. Ugh, great. Over the years, I've come to hate Halloween. Why? Because every year, my mom feels it necessary to make me a costume; she says store-bought costumes "come with sharp edges" or something to that effect. Two years ago, it was a witch costume, which was bad. Last year, it was a pumpkin, which was worse. But this year, oh, this year's costume is the worst by a landslide. It's a pixie. No, I'm not joking. A pixie, complete with sparkly purple tiara, wings, wand, the whole she-bang. WHERE does my mom get these ideas?! Does she go to Sam for advice on what I should be for Halloween or something? I groan loudly as I think of Sam for two reasons, the most obvious being what she's going to say about my costume. The second reason is, well, because I can't forget what I've done to her. I think I might have really hurt her. And, I know, Sam hurts me every day, but this is different. This is a whole other league of hurt. At first I thought it wouldn't affect her; I mean, she was drunk, she didn't know what she was doing. But, over the past three weeks, I noticed changes, changes so subtle even Carly hasn't noticed them (then again, she doesn't know what happened to Sam; maybe it's just my guilty conscience.). She looks, how should I put this, curvier, but in a good way. Although maybe it's just because I've seen all of her, and I'm only really noticing for the first time. Then there are her eyes. I can't really describe it, but it's just a look in them. They look so…lost. That's really the only word I can use. And I didn't tell Sam I took her virginity because I was afraid she would hurt me. But she is hurting me; I feel so guilty whenever I see her I just wanna crawl in a hole and die somewhere. Maybe that's how Sam feels…And, I know I'm totally rambling but-

"Fredward Benson, do you have that costume on yet?" My mom shouts, pounding on my bedroom door. And, unfortunately, yes I do.

"Yes, Mom!" I yell back.

"Well, come out here and let me see!" With another groan, I get up off my bed, adjust my tiara, and open my door. My mom takes one look and puts her hand over her heart.

"Freddie! You look adorable!" Yeah, not really the word I would use to describe myself at this moment.

"Mom, do I really have to wear this?" I beg in a last-ditch effort to get out of this God-forsaken costume. Mom puts her hands on her hips.

"Fredward, you are not roaming the streets dressed as some hoodlum!" Hoodlum?

"Can't I just wear regular clothes then?"

"No! I spent three weeks making this costume for you!" Ugh. I know there's no way I'm winning this argument.

"Fine, I'll wear the damn costume." I mutter under my breath. My mom gasps.

"Freddie! What is our rule about using cuss words?" I sigh, then recite our 'rule'.

"Words of cuss are useless pus." I still have no idea what it means, but I say it anyway.

"Good boy. Now, run along to the Shay's so you won't be late for iCarly."

"'Kay, bye Mom. Love you!" I call over my shoulder as I shut the door to our apartment and knock on Carly's. Carly opens the door dressed as a vampire (she's been obsessed with some series about vampires called Twilight lately. I, personally, don't see the appeal).

"Oh, hey, Fred-" she stops when she sees my costume, then bursts out laughing. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She giggles, tears streaming down her face. "B-but you're dressed as a fairy!"

"I'm a pixie!" I defend, realizing how stupid that just sounded as she laughs harder. Spencer comes up behind Carly.

"Hey, what's all the la-" he also pauses mid-sentence, mouth hanging open, then he erupts into a fit of laughter. I groan, pushing past them into the apartment. Carly and Spencer follow, shutting the door behind them.

"Y-you just better take that off before Sam sees you in it!" Carly gasps, trying to regain herself.

"Where is Sam?" I ask as Spencer goes back to working on his latest sculpture, a huge pig made up of little plastic pigs.

"Upstairs getting ready for the show." Carly answers, finally having stopped laughing. "C'mon, we better go up there, too. iCarly starts in a half-hour." I make my way up the stairs ahead of Carly to the third floor, then peek into the studio so Sam can't see me. It doesn't matter anyway; she's in her beanbag asleep, again without a costume. Man, she's so cute when she sleeps. And so peaceful. And so-

"Freddie!" I nearly jump out of my skin as Carly materializes beside me.

"Huh?" I say, totally dazed.

"I asked why you aren't going in."

"Oh, um, Sam's asleep." I stammer. Carly sighs, obviously exasperated.

"Again? Man, this is the third time she's fallen asleep in there today! I'd be surprised if she didn't fall asleep right in the middle of the show!" Carly explains as she walks into the studio and over to Sam, her black cape dragging behind her. She kneels besides Sam and starts lightly shaking her shoulder. "Sam? Samantha? C'mon, Sam, wake up." Sam jolts awake, then yelps when she sees Carly, in her vampire make-up, staring at her. "Sam it's just me!"

"Oh, yeah…" she mutters, looking at the floor, then back up at Carly. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes. Again."

"Well, sorry, I'm tired." Sam says in a slightly sarcastic tone. "My mom was yelling at Frothy all night for not getting her a costume.

"Why is your mom always yelling at Frothy?" Sam shrugs nonchalantly, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Eh, better than her yelling at the toilet like my Aunt Maggie." She yawns, looking around. "Where's Fredweird?" Oh, great! Now I'm gonna have to go in there and have Sam laugh in my face! I hear Carly start to chuckle already.

"He's out there. C'mere, Freddie!" With a moan, I walk into the studio and look at Sam. I watch her eyes become big blue orbs as they widen-they still have the lost look in them, and I mentally cringe-and her mouth falls open. She's just…staring at me. I wait for her to say something.

"…Well?" Sam starts to smile, then looks into my eyes, and the smile falls from her face. I don't know why; maybe she saw something in my eyes? She simply sighs, a tired, worn sort of sigh, and says,

"Nice costume, Freddie." Now it's my turn for my mouth to fall open. She didn't say a thing. Not one word. I watch, speechless, as she gets up from her beanbag, holding her head and momentarily staggering as she does so, and mutters "I'm going to the bathroom." Sam leaves, and I turn to Carly, who's also staring after her, open-mouthed.

"Wha…? She didn't say…nice costume…?" Carly snaps out of her dazed state and strides over to me, grabbing my shoulders. "Freddie, something's wrong with Sam!" She says, her eyes clouded with worry. "I-I mean, sure, she's been distant lately, but nothing like this…Freddie, I think something happened to her. Something bad." Man, she looks like she's gonna cry. I don't need more guilt!

"I think, you're right, Carly." I agree, when I really want to tell Carly what happened to Sam, what I did to her, just to get it off my chest.

"What are we gonna do?" Carly whimpers, her eyes shining.

"I-I think we should leave it. Pretend everything's normal. She'll tell us when she's ready." Carly nods, wiping her eyes.

"I think you're right." She agrees as Sam comes back into the studio. Carly puts on a plastic smile and turns to Sam. "Well, c'mon, let's do a butt-kicking web show!" Sam just shrugs, looking down.

"Sure, whatever." I see worry flash across Carly's face, but only for an instant as I pick up my camera.

"In five, four, three, two…"

"I'm Carly!" Carly says excitedly.

"And I'm Sam!" She answers with false perkiness, her eyes betraying how she's really feeling. "And this be iCarly! On Halloween!" They say together, the last part in monster voices. Carly continues with, "And on this special edition of the show, we're gonna start with…" I stop listening there, and pretty much for the rest of the episode. I merely stare at Sam, see how every action she does is fake, how the happiness in her voice is strained, how she yawn constantly and there are dark circles under her eyes, and I feel so blameworthy. As we near the end of the show, I tune back into Carly. "…And that's how you make eyeball punch in the sink!" She finishes, Sam nodding beside her. "Well, that about wraps up this week's show!"

"Which is good," Sam jumps in, "cuz I gotta pee!"

"Sam!" Carly chastises.

"Again?" I ask, thinking aloud. Sam narrows her eyes at me.

"Yes, Freddie. Excuse me if I have to pee! What, is there a law that says I can only pee a certain number of times a day?" She asks sarcastically, pushing past me out the studio door, leaving Carly in front of the camera looking confused.

"Ookay, then, join us next week for another episode of iCarly!"

"And, we're clear." I say, disconnecting the camera's signal from the computer, then look up at Carly, genuinely confused. "What did I say?"

"Beats me." Carly shrugs. Maybe it's a girl thing? I don't know, and I don't wanna find out.

I'm sitting at my desk computer in my darkened room, checking the viewer comments from the earlier iCarly Halloween episode. A lot of them have to do with Sam:

**Sam, wat's up? U seemed kinda distracted tonite. Everything ok?**

**Wow, Sam, you looked smoking tonite! **(So maybe it's not just me thinking Sam is curvier?)

**Sam, wat up with ur blow-out at Freddie at the end?**

**Sam: u seemed kinda…distracted. U alrite?**

**Who cares about Halloween? Get me outta this rathole!**

I roll my eyes at the comment from Sam's cousin in jail, then sigh at the rest of them. Even the fans are noticing something's up. Man, by now I thought she would have been over Wendy's party, but I guess not…I turn my computer off and crawl under my sheets, feeling like crap. I can't believe I hurt Sam this bad…I can't believe I hurt my love this bad :(

**A/N: Just to let you know, the reason Halloween (and there will be other holidays and stuff in th story) is in here is because it's to show that life goes on. It doesn't stop just because Freddie did something stupid (and slightly illegal), and I don't think that's shown in a lot of stories. At least not the ones ive read. Soo, review and tell me wat u thought! Ill update ASAP!**


	3. iThink Carly Knows

**A/N: And I have for you, another chapter! And, yes, I know, I haven't updated in forever, but cut me some slack! I'm juggling school, classes, homework, family, friends, and reading other stories on this site! I'll try and update this as frequently as I can, depending the number of tests, formal labs, homework, etc. I have. But I updated now, so enjoy!**

"Alright, class, get with your partners for the chromatography experiment!" Mr. Henning calls to his biology class. I look up from the chapter outline I'm doing and stare at him, horrified. Oh, man. This is not good. Wanna know why? Because Sam is my lab partner. Mr. Henning picked our lab partners for us at the beginning of the year, and having Sam as my partner has never been very beneficial. Like when we were dissecting frogs and she picked our frog up and shoved it down my pants (for which she was suspended, which she actually enjoyed). Or when we were extracting the DNA from a strawberry and she picked the strawberry up and shoved it down my pants (getting another suspension. In all honesty I'm surprised they're still letting her in the biology lab.). Needless to say, I've had a lot of things shoved down my pants in this room. But that's not why this is bad. It's bad because lately, whenever I'm around Sam, I get this really bad stomach ache. Even when I'm not around her, the guilt of, in a sense, 'raping' my best friend is killing me. I haven't slept in 2 weeks, because I always dream about her lost eyes just staring into mine, begging for something I can't give her. I haven't eaten all that much, either. I think Carly's starting to get worried about me. She keeps giving me these weird glances whenever I come over, which isn't much anymore. I used to go over to Carly's every day for the majority of my day. Now I only go over, like, twice a week for about two hours, and if I know Sam is there, then I don't go at all. Reluctantly, I grab my books and head over to the blonde, who's currently laying her head on the lab table. Oh, great. Here come the stomach cramps. Well, I guess I deserve them…is Sam sleeping?

"Sam?" I cautiously tap her on the shoulder, and she groans in response. "Sam, are you okay?" Sam lifts her head and looks at me with red-rimmed eyes, and my stomach hurts even more. I simply can't believe that, a little over a month after Wendy's party, she's still upset. I would've never thought Sam is the type of girl to be so distraught over this. Although, let me put myself in her position. I woke up in a room to find my best friend staring at me, and I just had sex (my first time, I might add) with someone, and I'll probably never find out who. Oh, bad idea; that makes my stomach hurt the most. Sam sighs deeply, closing her eyes and shaking her head, then looks back up at me with half-hearted aggression.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Freddork. Let's just get this dumb lab over with." I roll my eyes, but inside I perk up even just the smallest bit. At least she's still making an attempt to be mean to me. That's gotta be something…right?

"Alright, well, let's just set up the beakers and…Sam?" I pause in getting out our beakers and eye droppers and look back at Sam. She's staring into space and looks kinda pale. "Sam, are you sure you're feeling okay?" Before she can answer me, her eyes widen and she slaps her hand across her mouth and runs out of the room.

"Sam Puckett!" Mr. Henning calls as she rushes out of the room, and he turns to me. "Fredward, will you please see where she went."

"What? Why me?" Okay, I don't mean to be disrespectful to a teacher (even one like Mr. Henning), but c'mon!

"Because you're her lab partner, now go!"

"Yes sir." I mumble as I head out of the lab. Where would Sam go? Well, she looked like she was gonna throw up in there; the girls bathroom, maybe? It's worth a shot. I walk to the girls' bathroom, which is luckily not that far from our lab. Well, there's definitely someone in there making gagging sounds. I rap on the door. "Sam? Are you in there?" Sam (or whosever in there) groans and mutters something that sounds like go away. Man, I hope Sam's not sick. Wait-what if she is sick? What if she's in there dying? What if-

"Hey, Freddie." Wendy smiles at me as she heads to class. Perfect!

"Wendy!"

"What's up?" She asks, coming back.

"Um, do think you could check if Sam's in there?" I ask, gesturing towards the door. "I think she's sick."

"Oh, okay sure." Wendy answers, giving me a look as she heads into the bathroom. Okay, what is up with girls and talking with their eyes?! Although I'm pretty sure what that look meant; Wendy's been giving it to me whenever I mention or am around Sam ever since I gave away my cruise to Missy. I think she's onto the fact that I like Sam. My thoughts are interrupted as Wendy comes out of the bathroom, looking worried.

"Is she in there? Is she sick?"

"Yes, and yes. She's throwing up. And she wants Carly." Carly? I don't know where Carly is right now! She's not in our biology class!

"Oh, man." I mutter to myself, looking at my feet.

"You know, I can go get Carly." Wendy offers, and I look up and into her green eyes. "She's in my history class I'm going to. I could tell Ms. Briggs Principal Franklin needs to see her."

"You'd do that for Sam?"

"Of course! Sam's my friend, too. And, by the way she's been acting, I think it's important." By the way she's been acting?

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't noticed?" Wendy questions back, lowering her voice. Well of course I'VE noticed; I just didn't think anyone else was. "She's been so quiet lately. Like, not one joke in class, no sass at the teacher, she hasn't been mean to Gibby since I don't even know when, and two days ago, I saw her throw her bacon away."

"What?!" Sam? Throw away bacon?! SAM?! Wendy nods her head vigorously, her red hair swaying with her.

"Exactly! So I'm gonna go get Carly for her; do you think you can wait here for her and tell her what's going on?"

"Yeah, sure." As Wendy walks briskly away to history, I reflect on what she just told me. Sam threw away bacon? I-I can't even begin to comprehend that. I hear a few soft groans and choking, sobbing sounds from the bathroom, and wish that Carls would come soon. About a minute later I see Carly strolling down the hall.

"Carly!"

"Sorry, Freddie, can't talk; Principal Franklin wants to see me."

"No he doesn't."

"Huh? What're you talking about?" She asks as she stops in front of me. "Wendy just told me-"

"I sent Wendy to get you."

"What, why? We were in the middle of a test! And why aren't you in class anyway, don't you have a la-"

"Sam needs you." As soon as these words leave my mouth, all signs of annoyance disappear from Carly's face, replaced by worry.

"Sam? Where is she?" I jerk my thumb to the bathroom, and Carly goes in, throwing a worried look in my direction over her shoulder. Well, I should probably go back to class now…but I have to know if Sam is alright (A little voice inside the back of my head is telling me 'Of course she's not alright! You raped her! You're a monster and don't deserve to be called her friend!' But I'm trying to ignore that voice.) I press my ear to the door and catch snatches of their conversation.

"Sam…alright? This…fifth time…week…threw up." Carly's talking to Sam. I think I can make that out. This is the fifth time this week Sam's thrown up? How come I haven't noticed? Oh, yeah, because I've been avoiding her.

"Carls…tell…something." The sounds like Sam. But geez is it hard to hear through this door! For once, I wish I really was a girl. "Party…8…woke up…Freddie…don't know." Weird. She sounds like she's crying. But Sam Puckett doesn't cry! Although, I can't really say that anymore…Hey, wait, did she just say my name?!

"WHAT?!" Well, I have no problem hearing Carly shrieking. She better keep her voice low, or a teacher's gonna hear her. "Why…me? I…helped…hurt!"

"I…been. Can you…something…me...school? …pay…back." Sam again. I wish I could hear more of what she's saying.

"What?" I hear Carly question her. I strain my ears to hear more, but I can tell Sam's lowered her voice.

"…need…t…." I hear Carly gasp. Darn it, what did Sam say?!

"Oh…God! …you…think…really-" I hear Sam cut Carly off.

"Carls…late! What…supposed…to think?!" Sam says a bit louder with choking sobs. I guess that Carly's comforting her, but I can't just peer into the girls room to check, now can I?

"Sam…alright. …Help you." Carly says. She sounds like she's choked up too.

"Carls? Can…not tell…happened?" Not tell what?! I'm losing my mind here!

"Are…sure? If you...people…find…eventually. Who…knows?"

"Just…if am...might tell…mom and…but…all. Please?" I hear Sam plead that last part.

"Okay…won't tell.... I'll…after school…come…rehearsals." Carly says, and Sam sniffles and blows her nose, and then I hear feet walking to the door. Quickly I take my ear away and make as though I was just getting a super-long drink of water this whole time. When I hear the door open I turn and look at the girls, both with red, puffy eyes and slightly smudged eyeliner. Sam won't meet my eye, and is just looking down at her Converse, but Carly's staring me right in the eyes, looking slightly angry. It's making me feel very small, and I feel my heart start to go like a too-fast metronome. She knows. She knows what I did to Sam and she hates me, I know it!

"Sam? Are you okay?" I ask timidly, afraid of Carly for a change. Sam nods weakly.

"Yea, I'm fine." She mumbles. "Let's just get back to bio before Mr. Henning comes looking for us."

"Yeah, I should be getting back to history." Carly says, not looking away from me. Then she finally breaks her gaze as she gives Sam a hug and heads in the opposite direction to her history class, and Sam and I head to biology.

**A/N: Uh-oh. Does Carly know? Does SAM know? Can you believe Sam threw away her bacon? Will Freddie get something shoved down his pants in bio again?? All questions I know the answers to. But, you'll never know if you don't review! Also, if you have any suggestions, ideas, etc. please share them! Cuz sometimes I'm so brain-dead from school all my creative juices just evaporate XP. (And Sam will find out what happened. And I know when. So no need to suggest that ;])**

**~Jennette-McCurdy-Biggest-Fan (Formerly Eeveelution-Fangirl)**


	4. iAm Safe For Now

**A/N: Gah! Stupid chemistry…stupid gas laws…stupid outline…what? Oh, hey! Anyways, sry this update toke so long. Nd sry its soo short. But im on a brain block 4 this story! So plz, throw ur ideas me! BTW, who's excited 4 iQuit iCarly?? I AM!!!! Nd I think I know why they start fighting, too…I think its gotta do wit those two guys…nd this episode looks lik its got a nice mix of Cam and Seddie in it! AND I CANT WAIT!! **

I walk out of biology, on-edge and nervous. Carly knows. I know she knows! The way she was looking at me…how could she not?! Then again, how could she? Unless Sam knew…does Sam know? Did she remember something? Man, this cannot get worse! I feel like I'm gonna throw up! Both of them, Carly and Sam – they have to know I didn't mean it! I wasn't thinking! And I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! But they won't believe me; they'll never want to see me again, and who can blame them. As I'm walking to my locker, lost in my wild, anxiety-filled thoughts, I feel a pair of hands grab my shoulders and pull me into the janitor's closet, quickly shutting the door and enveloping me in darkness. Then the light bulb flickers on, and I see who it is.

"Carly?" She's looking at me – no, _glaring_ at me – with her arms crossed.

"You knew." She said, obviously pissed.

"Huh?" I'm honestly confused. I was expecting a raging, screaming fit. And what do I know?

"You _knew_ Sam was raped and you didn't tell me?!" Carly said, I little louder.

"Carly, listen, I-"

"I even straight-out ASKED you if you knew what was the matter with her! And you said NO! I'm her friend, too, Freddie! And if one of my best friends is sexually abused, I'd like to know so I can help them!" I feel a weight come off my shoulders. She doesn't know it was me. Sam doesn't know it was me. And yet, knowing this doesn't make me feel a bit better.

"Well, I-I thought she might be embarrassed…" I say meekly. Carly's jaw drops.

"You thought she…FREDDIE! This goes far beyond embarrassment! She was _raped_, Freddie!"

"Listen, I'm sorry-" I start explaining when Carly cuts me off, shaking her head.

"No, I know it's not your fault (Man, if only she knew…). It's just…I can't believe someone would do that to her…" I see a tear fall down Carly's cheek, and I pull her into an uncomfortable hug. "God, I can't believe she's kept that to herself for a month and not exploded or something." Carly sobs into my shoulder. I don't know what to say. What CAN I say? The last thing I want is Carly upset too. And I'VE caused all of this pain.

"Well, Sam's strong…" I stop as I feel Carly shake her head.

"Not strong enough, Freddie. Not strong enough for what happened to her." I hear Carly mumble something about the future, too, but I don't think I was supposed to hear that, so I don't ask her to repeat it. I hear Carly take a shuddering breathe and pull herself away from me, wiping her tears away. "Listen, Freddie…can you not come over until right before rehearsals?" Huh? Why?

"Umm, sure, but-"

"Just…just because I, um, have to clean my room. By myself. With Sam." Carly interjected before I could finish. She lying, I can tell; Carly's always been a terrible liar. But she obviously doesn't want to come over. Maybe she just wants some alone time with Sam?

"Oh, ok, sure." She gives me a weak smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Thanks Freddie." Just then the bell rings, signaling time for the next period. Carly sighs. "Well, we better go, or we'll be late. Oh, and don't tell anyone about Sam." I shake my head.

"I won't." As I finish walking to my locker I throw the word around in my head: rape. A word used to describe criminals. A word used to describe perverts. And now…a word to describe me.

**A/N: Yeah…I'm reallllly sorry this is so short. But I just wanted to get it out there. So turns out Carly doesn't know. Anywayz, I have 2 questions that I would LOVE if you would answer 4 me: 1) Is this story TOO out of character. Im thinking of not continuing it if it is… 2) I've been mulling this ovr for awhile...I'm think bout writing a story to go with this 1. It'll be pretty much the same, but from SAM'S point of view. I would do it after this 1, of course, but I just think it sound fun. Should I do it? So, review nd answer!**


	5. iGo to the Library

**A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! Happy Boxing Day! Happy Whatever-Else-You-Celebrate! And this is your Christmas present: a brand-new chapter, fresh off the grill (Grant it, it is a filler, but trust me, next chapter gunna be awesome) O, btw, if I didn't already say what day iCarly is done, it's Tuesday evening. Don't ask me why I chose such a random day, as I don't know. However, Halloween was a Saturday this year, but they only did it then cuz it was a special day. Also, I was talking with KeyLimePie14 about how this story might go, and I was going to make 2 separate endings, but since im writing a coinciding story with this from Sam's POV , I thought 2 endings would be a little much. So I'll go with my original plan :)**

"BRRRRIIIINNGG!"

The end-of-the-day bell goes off, and all the kids jump out of their desks and make a mad dash to the door as if the room was on fire. Well, all except me. I walk out of the room like a civilized human being, not some untrained animal. Huh, civilized…I think what I did to Sam would be considered anything BUT civilized. Talk about ironic. As I walk to my locker I pass Carly and Sam at their lockers, but don't approach them. As Sam is reaching into her locker for something, Carly spots me from the corner of her eye, and mouths "Don't go home." I nod, showing her I understand, and proceed to my locker. I enter the combination and reach in to grab my book, Girl Power – How To Deal When All Your Friends Are Girls when –

"HEY!" I jump, turn around, and sigh.

"Hey, Duke."

"So, was that class boring or WHAT?" Why is this guy always yelling? And he wasn't even IN my last class, but whatever, I don't want to listen to him yell more if I tell him that.

"Oh, um, yeah, real boring." I respond as I turn back to my locker. I can still feel him breathing down my neck.

"HEY!" I jump again as he screeches in my ear.

"Yes?" I say through slightly gritted teeth, trying not to sound TOO annoyed.

"You're blocking my locker!"

"Oh, sorry." I say, sliding to the left to make room. I grab a couple more books so I can study over the weekend, then slam my locker shut and leave. Okay, well, I can't go home…now what? I could go to the Groovy Smoothie…but it'd be pretty boring there without Carly and Sam. Ummm…Oh! I know! The library! I can chill there for awhile, then head home. As I set on my way, I pass the local pharmacy and see Carly and Sam coming out. What are they doing in the pharmacy? Maybe Sam's sick? Oh my God. Maybe I gave her as STD! Holy crap! I could NEVER live with myself if I gave her an STD! What if it's AIDS? Do I have AIDS? Is it even POSSIBLE for me to have AIDS? As they walk by on the sidewalk across the street, I bow my head while at the same time trying to see through the white plastic bag Carly is swinging. Okay, it's not the traditional bottle that pills and junk usually come in…it looks like a little box. A thermometer, maybe? Maybe they're picking it up for Spencer? Of course! Spencer must need it! I remember he broke his thermometer four months ago…

_I walk into the Shay apartment for iCarly rehearsal (of course Sam isn't here yet.) Neither Carly nor Spencer are anywhere in sight._

"_Carly?"_

"_In here." I hear her call from Spencer's bathroom. She sounds peeved. I walk in and find her with her arms crossed staring at her brother, who, at this moment, has the thermometer stuck in the toilet. I look at Carly, confused._

"_Umm, what is he -?"_

"_I'm trying to see if the toilet water in this bathroom is colder than the toilet water in the upstairs bathroom!" Spencer answers, excited. _

"_Okay, but why?"_

"_Because! If I discover that this blue-toilet-water-thingy actually makes the water colder as well as blue, I might become a famous scientist!" I stare at him. "Okay, maybe not famous…but it's fun either way!"_

"_And I keep telling him," Carly adds, "that he's going to drop that thermometer and break our toilet, and the thermometer!" Spencer turns to look at his little sister._

"_Oh, stop being such a nay-sayer!"He says, then turned back to the toilet. Carly's face scrunches up in confusion. _

"_Nay-sayer?"_

"_Just chill, kiddo, I'm not gonna break – WHOA!" As Spencer takes a step forward, he slips on the wet floor near the toilet, flys forward, drops the thermometer in the toilet, then, as his arms flail, accidently hits the flush lever, and down goes the thermometer with a sickening crack. Spencer stands up shakily, and looks at the toilet._

"…_Oops…"_

I chuckle slightly, recalling the memory, and also out of relief. Sam doesn't have an STD! She and Carly were just picking up a thermometer for Spencer (probably). By the time I'm done thinking all this, I'm already far from the pharmacy and standing at the entrance to the library. I push the door open and walk in, glad to see that it's not filled with kids. Instinctively, I head to the children's section. Whenever I come to the library, I like to prep myself for some serious reading by starting off with simple children's books. Alright, let's see…Bunny Cakes by Rosemary Wells? No, I've already memorized that book. Arthur's Thanksgiving by Marc Brown? Nah, not really in the Thanksgiving mood…How to Get Laid for Dummies?! What in God's name is this doing in the children's section?! Ugh, people…I grab the book, planning on bringing it to the sex-related section of the library. As I'm walking there, I hear someone call my name.

"Hey, Freddie." I turn and look into the travel section of the library and see Gibby (shirtless, of course) waving at me.

"Oh, hey Gibby.

"Watcha got there?" He asks, gesturing to the book tucked under my arm. He twists his head sideways to read the title on the spine, then looks up at me. "How to Get Laid for Dummies?"

"What? Oh no, it was in the children's section; I'm just putting it back where it belongs."

"Uh huh…" Gibby says suspiciously. I don't think he completely believes me.

"What are you looking at?" I question, hoping to distract him from the subject of my embarrassing book. It works.

"Looking up books on Japan."

"Planning on going?"

"Maybe, if I can afford it. The way you, Carly, and Sam talked about Japan just sounded awesome!" Um, we only talked down about the Japanese wilderness and Kiyoko and Yuki, but I guess to each his own.

"Oh. Well good luck Gibby." Gibby nods.

"Thanks. Good luck with your, um…" He stammers, gesturing to the how-to-get-laid book. I sighed angrily.

"I told you, I'm just putting it back!" I call as I storm over to the sex section. As I'm putting the book back, my eyes briefly graze over a book on rape, but I don't pick it up. I hurry out of the sex section and into the teen section.

As I finish half of Dracula, I look at my watch. Oh my lord, it's been 2 hours already?? Well, I think it's safe for me to go home now. I head up to the counter, check out my book, then head home. As I'm walking home, my phone vibrates with a new text.

**From: Carly**

**No iCarly rehearsal tonight. Don't ask why.**

And that's it. That's all it says. I'm pretty sure that this has something to do with Sam. But I won't ask; I'm afraid to. I walk into Bushwell and take the elevator up to the 8th floor. As I walk past Carly's door, I think I can hear faint sobbing. But it's probably just my guilty conscience.

**A/N: I'm watching ****A Christmas Story****, and he just got that stupid pink bunny suit lol! I love this movie; it's playing nonstop today on TBS if anyone's interested. Anyways, plz review (cuz it's Christmas, a time for giving!)**


	6. iMiss My Chance

**A/N: Yo, people! Okay, this is going to be the last update for awhile :( But it's an important chapter! So enjoy it! Or don't. It's really not very good. Eventually I might redo this (unless it is good) but for now, this is all I got. Oh, and also, if anything seems confusing, it'll probably be cleared up in 'iWas Used', the companion story to this, but form Sam's POV. **

God, I can't believe it's already Sunday. Time sure flies when you're avoiding your friends, huh? Oh well, I guess I'll have to see them tomorrow. Man, I hope Sam's feeling better by now. She's been at Carly's literally all weekend. Although, I think I heard her leave a little while ago (I'd recognize the sound of her Converse from a mile away.) I think I'm gonna leave my apartment for the first time all weekend in a little bit, too. For the past two days, I've been trying to fix my laptop, which my mom tried to make 'safe', and ended up practically destroying the thing. But yesterday, when I was trying to put one of the chips in place, it snapped, and I can't fix it without that piece. I sigh, then grab my jacket and head out the door. Luckily my mom's at work, or she'd be playing 20 questions with me as to where I'm going, why I'm going there, how many germs might be there, etc., etc., etc. Suddenly, as I shut and lock the door, Spencer slams open the door of the Shay apartment, shuts it, and runs down the stairs, carrying a shocked and protesting Carly over his shoulder (who's yelling about why it's crucial she stay home now, or something like that) and calling out a quick 'Hey, Freddie' as he passes…Okay? I'm inwardly debating whether I want to know what that was about or not…yeah, probably not. I didn't even know that Spencer's strong enough to lift Carly. Not that Carly's heavy, but Spencer doesn't work out. At all. I mean, he gets beat up by little kids all the time. I shake my head, then take the elevator down to the lobby, where I'm greeted by the ever-so-pleasant Lewbert.

"AHHHH! First that madcap man with the screaming adolescent, now YOU?!"

"Nice to see you too, Lewbert." I say as I head out the door, Lewb screaming behind me. I continue on my way to the hardware store, thoughts filled with computer chips and, in the back somewhere, Sam. All at once, as I pass a store, I see (speak of the devil) Sam burst through the door, tears streaming down her face as she pushes past me and runs in the opposite direction. What the hell was that? I look at the close-knit buildings and try to determine which one Sam came out of that would have made her so upset. I glance past Women Now and Arson Tattoos and stare at the building that she must have come out of. Hunting R Us? Do guns and animal cruelty really upset Sam that much? Weird. Never thought she would be upset by guns, especially since she's had a Beebe gun since she was six. Then again, Sam's not the same Sam since…well, you know. I shake my head, trying to clear my head of that, then walk until I arrive at the hardware store. I browse the aisles and find what I'm looking for, pay, and head back to Bushwell…I wonder where Spencer went with Carly? Oh well, I guess I'll ask her tomorrow. 15 minutes later, I get there, take the elevator up to the eighth floor, and, as I'm getting out of the elevator, hear something that sounds like sobbing. I turn the corner and find…

"Sam?" She's sitting outside Carly's apartment, knees to her chest and crying with her head down. I kneel down next to her. "Sam, are you okay?" Sam lifts her head and looks at me with red-rimmed and teary eyes.

"Freddie, please," She starts, her voice desperate and broken. "Do you remember ANYONE who I might have been with at Wendy's party?" Her eyes are begging, _pleading, _for any information I might have. This is your chance, Freddie! Tell her it was you! I don't care if she kills me anymore! Just say it Freddie, just say it! I take a deep breath.

"…Sorry, Sam. No one."

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why am I so Goddamn STUPID?! I had my chance! I had it! And I blew it! GOD! That's it. That's IT! I can't take it…I just CAN'T anymore! I've ruined my life, Sam's life, Carly's, everyone's! I can't even think straight…Subconsciously, I stagger towards that bathroom, then, in a trance-like state, grab one of my razors and slide it across my arm. Oh my God…It hurts so much, but it feels so good. And there I am, just sitting on the bathroom floor, just breathing, trying to deal with the pain and the blood and the relief, the very welcome relief. And I know, in the back-back-back of my mind, I've just made my situation much, much worse…but at this point, I don't give a crap.

**A/N: K, in case u don't understand that completely uncalled for action from Freddie, when people cut, it's to relieve stress or emotional pain (When someone cuts themselves, pain relieving chemicals called Endorphins are released to relieve stress or emotional pain), and is often sudden and unplanned. So review, study, etc!**


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